Do men test women when dating?
You bet they do and one thing is certain when you first meet a man and start getting to know each other - he's going to be running loads of tests on you.
These "tests" aim to establish one thing in his mind:
If you're going to be the woman he has a casual encounter with, a woman who he explores the idea of a committed relationship together or a woman he doesn't even bother with. (i.e. neither)
Before I get into how men test women when dating and some of the things they may do, let me first explain to you why men test women.
There is one fundamental reason why men test women when it comes to dating - to see whether or not he can trust her.
Trust her for what you might say?
Trust her not to be easily seduced and flattered by other men that may be more handsome, richer, resourceful or have a higher social status than him.
Trust her that she'll support him in pursuit of his dreams, his vision and believe in his ability to provide in the relationship.
Trust her that when he does wrong or makes a mistake, she's strong enough to put him straight and set him back on the right path.
Trust her that she's able to think for herself and not be easily influenced by other people outside of their relationship.
Trust her that she chooses to be with him because of the man he is and not the man she wishes him to be. (i.e. doesn't try to change him)
This is the crux of what a man is trying to figure out when it comes establishing levels of trust.
If one or more of these areas carry an element of doubt, he is much less likely to view that woman as a relationship material woman - especially for the long-term.
A man who's open and looking to find a woman to settle down with will base his tests on whether a woman is the type of woman he can trust within a committed relationship.
A man who isn't looking for a woman to settle down with will be testing you to see what he can and can't get away with and whether or not he'll invest any time in you to get what he's looking for.
So one of the first things a man will try to establish is if you're a woman he's going to have casual sex with, leave you completely alone or if you're the type of woman he can settle down with and plan a future together with.
The answer he comes up with here will determine the next level of tests he'll do.
There are so many ways men test women that it will be impossible for me to account for them all here but what I'll do is give you the main type of tests that you can expect the majority of men to perform when getting to know you.
Before I share some tests that men will carry out, it's important that you understand what I'm about to say.
A lot of women I talk to are fed up of so many men only wanting one thing and I totally understand this frustration.
But at the same time, what many women need to understand too is that many men have had many women try to get a relationship out them. This is the man's equivalent of women only wanting one thing.
And so while women will test men to see which one's are just interested in having sex with her, men will test you to see if you're only interested in having a relationship and not necessarily interested in who he is as a man.
So with that said let me share a few tests that you can expect some of the men you'll meet will perform.
As I mention before, most men test women to determine whether she's a woman who's seeking commitment or if she's open to a casual relationship.
So one of the ways men will determine this is by testing your consistency levels. See if what you say and what you do add up.
Many women assume that if they tell a man that she's seeking commitment and that she's not interested in anything less that it will affect the way the man sees her or acts towards her.
Not true. This rarely ever works.
Most men, either through their own personal experience or the experience of other men, have seen and heard plenty of women profess to be "relationship only women" to only then behave like a casual type woman but desperately wants commitment.
It's not new to most men that a woman will try to promote herself as a relationship type woman. But to most men, you're just speaking empty words when you say things like this.
Your words simply don't reflect his experience and so this is likely the first area a man will test you in.
Here's some ways on how a man will test your consistency early on.
Whilst many women hold the view that most men are only interested in one thing (sex), a lot of men carry the view that women use men for money or for what he is able to provide.
One way that a man may apply the Gold Digger Test is to see how you handle paying for things.
Women are emotionally attached to the idea of sex and men are emotionally attached to the idea of money and so it's a sensitive area for most men.
So when it comes to financial matters, he's going to observe whether you insist on double-dutch, whether you expect him to pay for the both of you or if you offer to cover the costs yourself.
Most men won't like the idea of you paying for everything, especially in the early stages. Even if you're an independent woman who don't or won't allow a man to pay for you - it doesn't matter to a man.
If a man asks you out, it's reasonable to expect that he intends to pay for the both of you to do whatever it is you're doing unless he specifies otherwise.
But still, you should make the offer to at least pay your own way even though it's highly likely that he'll refuse to let you pay for yourself on the premise that he invited you out.
When he offers, show that you'll pay, take out your money but if he insists on paying - let him pay. Pride won't let him accept anything less at this stage.
Offer to pay your way, but allow him to pay for you if he says no.
Showing a man that you don't expect him to pay (even though you secretly may) takes you out of the money-hungry, gold-digging category and into the respectable woman category in his mind.
Anything that involves money - always show your worth and value by offering to at least cover half of it. This only really applies if he is the one offering something to you. (Men are sensitive about finances)
If you invite him out, you pay for yourself no matter what he says to convince you otherwise. This is also likely to be a test.
He wants to see if you're a woman who takes and not give in return. (And no I'm not talking about your body here)
I had a date once where I invited a woman out to dinner. I intended to cover the bill for both of us here - I always do.
And whilst I know I'm going to be paying for everything here, I'm also looking out for how a woman responds when it comes to paying - both before and during.
I don't tell her I'm going to pay, I let her show me what she would do naturally.
Here's key point before I carry on: No man is going to tell you that he's testing you, it defeats the object of the test.
Back to my date. So I was observing:
Does she make it clear that she does dutch or that men should pay?
When the bill comes, does she just look at me or start messing around with some object close by (usually a phone or handbag) or does she make a conscious effort to really pay her way?
This particular woman never flinched. Needless to say, it was the last time I dated her.
If she had offered, I would have refused but she demonstrated to me that she is a woman who is happy to take from a man she doesn't know without offering anything in return.
When a man doesn't yet know you, he'll make assumptions based on past experiences - a woman who doesn't offer to pay her way will always be compared to the woman who did offer and that lowers your value in his mind.
Even worse, the woman who doesn't offer opens herself up to being categorised as a gold-digger.
And if she's even more unlucky, a man who isn't looking for a relationship will now know that she's not the woman he'll commit to and may then use her for sex.
Ever noticed a man deliberately (at least seemingly) have a conversation with you and make a point to let you know that the person he is talking about is a female?
You may not recognise this as a test as such but you can be sure when it happens, you are being tested.
You're both having a conversation about some random thing and he comes out and says "I'm going out with my friend later tonight. I haven't seen HER in a long time."
And you're thinking: "Her, huh?
I know this sounds like a basic thing that most people would say and it is, but he wants to see how you respond to the fact that he is spending time with another woman. He knows you heard him say "Her" he made a point to say it.
He now wants to see how you'll respond.
Do you ask who this lady is? Do you question him about this woman?
Do you act insecure or jealous?
The funny thing about this test is that it may never be true. He may not be going out tonight and he may not be going out with a woman but that's not what's important - your response is.
Your response is an indicator to how you may respond if he were in a committed relationship with you - at least from his perspective.
He'll think: OK, so if I was with you and I were to go out with a few female friends ,(and yes he will have female friends) am I always going to get grief about it and be interrogated about every woman?
This one is common. Men will test women with the use of another woman to see her response.
Some men find this test fun because of the predictable way most women respond to it.
Men like a woman with backbone - after all, if the backbone he's leaning on is weak, he won't trust it in times of need. This is further reason why men test women and boundaries in dating.
Here's a few common things men do to test women to see if she's capable of putting him straight when necessary:
Either way, the bottom line here is that he wants to know whether or not you have the capacity to CHALLENGE him and stick to clear boundaries that you set him.
Men love a woman they can respect and one way to demonstrate that is to uphold your boundaries when he pushes them.
If he can get away with things too often, that woman will not be the woman he takes home to meet mama.
In a nutshell, wants to know if you're "clued up" if you have a level of intelligence and know how to use it.
If a man can repeatedly run game on you (i.e. lie to you) and you don't highlight the bullshit that he's talking, then he may begin to think that any man could get away with doing what he's doing.
At some point he may feed you some drivel that probably involves him and also concerns you and it's likely to be a small matter to begin with.
For example, he may tell you that he has "feelings" for you. You take this to mean that he likes you or even still, that he loves you.
But most men know that this means nothing. He hasn't said anything to you but a word and if he can say things like this and you then do what he says as a result of it, then it says you can be easily bullshitted.
You failed the bullshit test.
Not only that, you also failed the "Put Him Straight Test" and have proven to be emotionally susceptible, that's 3 tests in one which usually spells: 3 strikes and you're out.
Another thing men test women on is drama or how she acts in public situations.
As you may know, most men don't like drama and can never understand why so much women are drawn to it.
If you're a woman who gets drawn into drama and quite enjoy it, don't involve him in it.
The type of thoughts that are going through a man's mind regarding women and drama are:
Will this woman cause me trouble in public? Will I get into fights because of her?
Some men test women here by even "edging" them on during a public dispute to see if you raise to the bait. If he does, don't fall for it.
Whilst he may laugh at it in the moment, you can be sure in his mind you represent drama and for most men this is a bad sign.
If you make a habit of arguing with sales assistants, members of the public or like to air dirty laundry in public places, you're likely to have failed this test and will instantly be thought of as a woman NOT to be in a relationship with.
One other way a man may test a woman is that he may choose to differ with you in public around friends or strangers to see if you publicly correct him or even potentially embarrass him.
And what he hopes to see a woman do here is pull him up in private and not in front of other people.
So now you know some of the ways men test women and how they may go about it when dating.
The test I have for you now is to learn to pay attention to what men do and not just what they say.
Many times I've witnessed women get caught up in the words men say that they can't see the game they're running on them.
If you start to notice a man testing you, don't see it as a bad thing. It's a natural part of the dating process.
In fact, you'll also have your own ways of testing men you date so don't take it personal if you identify any of the above tests. Just use it as knowledge that empowers you to make better decisions around men.
I would love to hear about any experiences that you may have had where you wonder if he was testing you. Share your thoughts and experiences below in the submission box.
Failing a simple test in dating could cost you the relationship you want. Share how you think men may have tested you in the past.